There are so many ways to live. I’ve always said that. And it’s true. But that doesn’t mean that I cease to be surprised when I discover yet another lifestyle that I never would have imagined in a million years.
Rewind to three days ago. I’m on the couch with my husband pretending to watch The Daily Show but really staring at the globe that’s next to our entertainment center. I thought man, there’s a lot of ocean. And then I thought about how much I’d like to travel by sea and that perhaps a book titled something like ‘Boatpacking’ would be a good idea (like backpacking but on a boat…yes, it’s a terrible name, I know.)
So of course I started researching, which really just means that I was Googling things like ‘how to sail around the world for free’. This brought me to several crew list sites, and all of a sudden I stumbled upon an entire culture that I never imagined. The culture of horny old men with boats.
Did you know that there are many, many older men with boats looking for someone to sail around the world with them? And that there are entire websites devoted to these men? It’s like match dot com but with anchors and portholes. Almost every single profile–that’s really the only name for it, though I suppose you could call it a ‘listing’–contains a photo of said horny old man on the deck of his boat with his shirt off.
Which begs the question–why would a guy who has a boat and is fit enough to sail it need to use the internet to find a woman? I would think ladies would literally be throwing themselves off the dock and into the strong, waiting arms of rich sailors. Hell–if I wasn’t happily married, I would be on my way to Bora Bora right now with Captain Tan Abs.
Being who I am, I didn’t give up when I realized what the website was really ‘selling’. I searched and searched until I finally thought I found a good option. It was a family looking for a tutor for their kids. I could tutor my way around the world with them on their boat, learning to sail as I went. What a great option–right? Well…it would have been. Until the last sentence of the ‘what we are looking for in a crew member’ section, which read something like ‘….to share in our open lifestyle’.
Though that would make a better book that ‘Boatpacking’. I could call it ‘Astro-Labia: Swinging the Seven Seas’. I know that book would sell!