Because I want this blog to be about both the good and the bad parts of my career break slash change, I bring to you some extreme honestly in today’s post: I spent a good 30 minutes this morning hysterically crying.
Why? Because I’m leaving for Orlando this evening (a good thing) and staying for three weeks (a medium thing) to do research for what I hope will become my book (a very good thing). But I’m going without my husband (a bad thing).
I’ve talked a lot about how much I love to travel alone. I even spent a day alone in Disney World on our first trip there, and it was great. I went again this past spring for a long weekend, again totally by myself, and had a very productive experience. Hell–one of my first-ever blog posts was about how much I love being able to be married but still travel alone, and that was more than two years ago! I even did a guest post for the awesome website Solo Friendly about what it is like to be traveling solo but not single. I am beyond grateful that I have a husband who is so supportive of my goals and dreams that he happily agrees to being forced into bachelorhood for almost a month (though I don’t think eating pizza and wings for three weeks is really all that much of a sacrifice for him!) Yet I still cried for a good part of this morning, and have been crying on and off for the past week and a half–every time I thought about leaving him.
Why? I have absolutely no idea. Honestly, it’s not usually this bad. I usually cry at the airport when he drops me off–though in the case of the road trips I’ve done solo I don’t think I shed one single tear. And yes, this is the longest I’ve been away from him, so maybe that’s it. But several other trips have come close–I was in Vermont for two weeks two summers ago, and two years before that I was on Martha’s Vineyard for just shy of three weeks, both without him. So I don’t know why I’m so sad–I just am.
This is important to note because I want to continue to stress the fact that just because it seems like a career break is all sunshine and roses, sometimes it isn’t. I’m scared about a great many other things in relation to this trip, too. I’m stressed out about how much work it is going to be, I’m concerned that I won’t have enough time to get it all done, I’m worried that I’ll spend way too much money and end up in debt and with no book to show for it. But I also have to think that at some point during this research trip there will be some sunshine and maybe a few roses. After all, I am going to Disney World. At the very least, there will be a singing, dancing mouse, parades, and fireworks.