Ten days from right now I’ll be headed to the airport to embark upon my research trip adventure. I spent a good chunk of yesterday getting organized for this trip, and will spend the greater part of the next week and a half doing the very same thing.
Yet I just spent the last hour searching for freelance writing jobs online. I found a good one, too–one that fit all of my skills and experience and education–and almost applied for it. The project was scheduled to start mid-September, and I said to myself ‘I can do that while I’m researching my book. It would be good to start my backup plan early, anyway.’
And then there was another little voice that said ‘Wait–what?!? You want to do what? Apply for a job that starts during your actual research trip? Do you have no faith in your plan at all???’
While yes, I am struggling with the whole ‘faith in my plan’ thing, I have a deeper problem–career change ADD. It’s a very serious problem, and I fear there’s no cure or even medication (and if there was, what would it be called? Job-erol? Quit-alin?) You see, I’ve been so focused on what comes next for all of my adult life, I’m not capable of just dealing with ‘what is going on right now’. And I’m so afraid of finding myself in a position where something doesn’t work out and…shudder…I don’t have a back up plan.
But I realized, just now, that nothing is ever going to work out if I don’t commit to it fully. Hell–for the few years that I actually loved teaching (after the first few horrific years but before the last two semi-miserable years) I was fully committed to it. I went to all of the dances, I planned new and innovative units, I stayed up-to-date on all of the great YA lit that was coming out. I wasn’t spending my evenings applying for other jobs–why would I? And had I been, I could not have fully enjoyed those years as a teacher.
So I shall try to overcome my career change ADD. I will focus on this one little thing–researching and writing my book. Because really, how hard can that be?
AN IMPORTANT EDIT: Please see my next post for an update on this decision. Spoiler alert: I changed my mind.