You’re imagining awesome things, aren’t you? I know what you’re picturing, because I pictured it, too. You’ll get so much done. You’ll clean your bathroom every day, cook healthy and budget-friendly meals; you’ll get in shape and you’ll write a book or three. Your husband (or wife) will be so happy to see you at the end of the day because you will be so damn pleasant all the time. You will spend more time with your extended family, see the world, and make homemade holiday decorations.
To be fair, some of that might happen. But all of it won’t–and definitely not all at the same time. And occasionally, you’ll have a terrible, awful, bad, bad day. Or week. Or month. Trust me.
This past week was the worst week I’ve had so far. I could go on and on and list all of the little things that went wrong–like losing all of my photos and a giant chunk of my own hair–but to be honest, those things were just things. They weren’t the main issue. The main issue is that very little is happening in my world AND it is December. I’m still not making any money, I don’t know how I’m ever going to make any money, and I’m actually spending a lot of money. Lately, I’m very seriously starting to see myself back in my old job come September. In addition, all of the old issues I had before still exist. I’m still extremely critical of myself (and others), I’m still a medium-good wife, and I still can’t have children. So basically, nothing has changed, and the realization of that super sucks.
Why am I sharing this? Because I realize that most of what I’ve been sharing on this blog has been all kinds of positive. Hell, I’ve been consciously trying to be all kinds of positive even in my own head. But it is also important to note–and document–that sometimes positivity dies. This week, for the first time in over five months of ‘working from home’, I spent an entire day in my bathrobe. In the last three days, I’ve had two pieces of sausage pizza, half a bag of Bugles, and the better part of a ‘love it’ portion of Coldstone Creamery ice cream (cake batter ice cream with yellow cake and caramel….mmmm…3000-calorie-delicious!)
My point–career breaks are not all sunshine and roses. Even though I’m not working a typical job, I occasionally have a really awful day/week/month. I sincerely hope that this was simply a low point–and that as such, I won’t go any lower. But do you know what? I just might. But I’ll share that here, too. Because I’m all about honesty. In all of its sucky, sucky glory.